I have come to the conclusion that my brain is not one unified organ with one clear structure. Apart from the natural parts of a human brain, it seems to be split in two subcategories that have nothing to do with either the cerebrum and the cerebellum, nor the left and the right side of my head. I guess it’s an abstract construct… Let me introduce you to Reaso and Leahf. They are not entirely separated. Sometimes they overlap and strive in the same direction, but at times they can get into quite big arguments and seem to be unable to compromise. Reaso is my “Reaslonable society” brain. I feel like I’ve always been a quite reasonable person who tries to do the “right thing” with their life in the sense of what is considered to be right by the society I live in. This can be totally crappy because some constructs and rules society has built over the centuries are definitely due for some massive changes, but it doesn’t necessarily have to be a bad thing either. Actually it has brought me to some good places, and it has definitely kept me out of trouble. It has given me things to work for. It has given me purpose. But then there’s Leahf. I apologize for pronunciation problems with that one… I guess I could have just named it Yolo, kinda goes in the same direction, but that seems a bit overused already. Anyway, Leahf is the “Live, enjoy and have fun” brain. It tries to get me to do what makes me happy and keeps me healthy, mentally and physically. It also wants me to live in the moment and enjoy the present in order to make the most out of it.
Now, I’m currently on summer break, which is supposed to be great and give you time to do fun stuff that you don’t get to do during the semester. It’s time to make room for Leahf. But of course Reaso keeps telling you that there are also papers that need to be written, so you can’t really enjoy the free time, but you don’t feel like working either… This leaves you at home, procrastinating, and doing basically any half-decent chore you can find at home to avoid real work. To give some examples, I have recently cleaned out my closet, I have started playing the ukulele, I’m working out a lot more than usually, and I even made my own almond milk and almond butter. This is all great and exciting, but in the end it means that I didn’t do much for University, which makes Reaso go absolutely crazy, and, on top of that, I end up questioning the path I have chosen for my life so far. I love having time for all the things mentioned above, and I know I won’t have it anymore when classes start again. So Leahf starts wondering whether Uni is really the right thing for me.
It’s normal to question your life. I think everyone does it, and it’s probably a good thing. Sometimes it’s good to take a step back and re-evaluate. But I find it really hard to tell whether I like something, for instance Uni, because I truly enjoy it, or because I know that it is, reasonably seen from the point of view of our striving society, a good, desirable thing. On top of that, Leahf might also be tricking me by making me like simply everything that isn’t related to work, but if I would do it more often, maybe I’d get tired of it as well. Wow, that really makes me sound like the laziest person ever… I just mean that Leahf might also be creating great utopic scenarios I think I would like, only to oppose the life plans Reaso has in store for me.
In addition, it’s just a fact that we need to work and somehow make a living to get by. I can’t change that, so I need a job, and no job will always just be fun and peachy. Nothing in life is always just fun and peachy. I don’t mean that in a negative, desperate way, it’s just a fact and we have to deal with it. So why can’t I enjoy the time off I get and then go back to work? It’s because as soon as I turn to one brain part, the other feels neglected. They both seem to suffer from bad, bad short term memory loss because when you turn one down just a little bit to make more room for the other for a while, it completely forgets that it had been the priority for the past weeks, or even months. And they don’t even get completely switched off! I also have fun at Uni, and I work during summer break, so both are always present and yet both are constantly complaining like two jealous siblings. Maybe the true aim of life is to get them to coexist in constant peace in order to satisfy both… I don’t know.
I don’t really know what the moral of this post is either. I don’t have a great final sentence with an advice on how to solve the issue other than knowing that they’ll get along again eventually because they always figure something out in the end, even if it’s just for a while.
Maybe this post is just another sign of my weirdness, but if you can somehow relate anyway, please let me know! :)
I finally ended up writing again after a way too long break. I didn’t know whether I should put this up because it’s basically just me rambling about some weird thoughts and feelings… But then I figured why not?!