Late at Night

Being up late at night, reading a book or just listening to some music while looking at the stars is so comforting. There’s something calming about knowing that most people are asleep. It’s a peaceful silence. It is freeing because there’s no one to judge you. You don’t have to explain what you are doing and why, you don’t have to pretend, and you won’t be compared to anyone. You don’t have to live up to any expectations. Nobody has to know, and nobody cares. That’s nice. Of course it’s important to have people who care about you, but sometimes you just need to be by yourself, without having to worry about people or calm people who worry about you. Nighttime seems to be a good time for that. Just a few hours to be completely free. Sometimes bad feelings and anxiety can start haunting you in those moments of solitude, but if you manage to switch them all off it can turn into a feeling of satisfaction and contentment. Whenever I feel squished by life I try to remember that feeling and it always helps me to calm down.

Sometimes it helps to go back to simply existing before tackling everything else in our lives.



The Forest on a Rainy Day

Everyone goes outside on a sunny day, takes walks along the river or through the forest. But have you ever taken the time to go sit in the forest by yourself on a rainy day?

Have you ever taken the time to turn off your phone and put away your book in order to just sit and be?

Have you ever started to listen to the raindrops falling on the roof of leaves above you and on the stones and dirt around you?

Were you ever a bit scared at first from all the sounds you couldn’t quite understand, and have you ever come to the conclusion that you are safe among all these living things around you?

Have you ever hesitated before shooing away a moth and realised that it just wanted to sit down next to you and keep you company for a little while?

Have you ever watched the mountains on the horizon slowly disappear in the creeping darkness and let the light breeze play with your hair?

Have you ever decided to leave, just before it got too dark to find your way back, not because you were afraid, but because you no longer wanted to disturb the nocturnal peace of that special place?

Have you ever taken a truly fulfilling breath before walking home with a light feeling of bliss in your heart?


Mirrors ¦ srorriM

Sometimes I wonder what this world would be like without mirrors.
I’d like to think that it would be a better place. A place with more acceptance, more freedom, and less self-doubts. I’d like to think that there would be less pressure to look “perfect”. More tolerance for different kinds of beauty, less teasing, and less hateful bashing.

Would it though? Would it really change things for the better? Maybe people would still get laughed at, only without being able to see that it happens without a reason. Maybe people would still destroy lives by expecting the impossible, the “flawless” according to some made-up ideals.

I look in the mirror and I see someone who doesn’t fit this concept of perfection. But who says that only who fits it can be beautiful? Who says that this “perfect” has to be what we all strive for? There might be some little things I don’t overly like about my face, but I accept them. They make me special. They are part of me. They help creating a unique person who can be loved by others, and, most importantly, by myself.

Nobody should make fun of you for your appearance, or any other reason, but if they do, look at yourself. They laughed at your nose? Your skin? Your hair? Look at it and realise that there is no reason that the way you look should be labelled any worse than some created ideal.

Make the best out of mirrors. Use them to see that you don’t look worse than others. Use them to acknowledge that you are different, and that you are your own version of perfection. Accept and like even what others make fun of, and next time someone bullies you it will hit a wall of steel. A wall created by your confidence. Created by the love you have for yourself,

I might not know you, but I know you must be beautiful in your own, unique way.

Discovery of two new brain sections

I have come to the conclusion that my brain is not one unified organ with one clear structure. Apart from the natural parts of a human brain, it seems to be split in two subcategories that have nothing to do with either the cerebrum and the cerebellum, nor the left and the right side of my head. I guess it’s an abstract construct… Let me introduce you to Reaso and Leahf. They are not entirely separated. Sometimes they overlap and strive in the same direction, but at times they can get into quite big arguments and seem to be unable to compromise. Reaso is my “Reaslonable society” brain. I feel like I’ve always been a quite reasonable person who tries to do the “right thing” with their life in the sense of what is considered to be right by the society I live in. This can be totally crappy because some constructs and rules society has built over the centuries are definitely due for some massive changes, but it doesn’t necessarily have to be a bad thing either. Actually it has brought me to some good places, and it has definitely kept me out of trouble. It has given me things to work for. It has given me purpose. But then there’s Leahf. I apologize for pronunciation problems with that one… I guess I could have just named it Yolo, kinda goes in the same direction, but that seems a bit overused already. Anyway, Leahf is the “Live, enjoy and have fun” brain. It tries to get me to do what makes me happy and keeps me healthy, mentally and physically. It also wants me to live in the moment and enjoy the present in order to make the most out of it.

Now, I’m currently on summer break, which is supposed to be great and give you time to do fun stuff that you don’t get to do during the semester. It’s time to make room for Leahf. But of course Reaso keeps telling you that there are also papers that need to be written, so you can’t really enjoy the free time, but you don’t feel like working either… This leaves you at home, procrastinating, and doing basically any half-decent chore you can find at home to avoid real work. To give some examples, I have recently cleaned out my closet, I have started playing the ukulele, I’m working out a lot more than usually, and I even made my own almond milk and almond butter. This is all great and exciting, but in the end it means that I didn’t do much for University, which makes Reaso go absolutely crazy, and, on top of that, I end up questioning the path I have chosen for my life so far. I love having time for all the things mentioned above, and I know I won’t have it anymore when classes start again. So Leahf starts wondering whether Uni is really the right thing for me.

It’s normal to question your life. I think everyone does it, and it’s probably a good thing. Sometimes it’s good to take a step back and re-evaluate. But I find it really hard to tell whether I like something, for instance Uni, because I truly enjoy it, or because I know that it is, reasonably seen from the point of view of our striving society, a good, desirable thing. On top of that, Leahf might also be tricking me by making me like simply everything that isn’t related to work, but if I would do it more often, maybe I’d get tired of it as well. Wow, that really makes me sound like the laziest person ever… I just mean that Leahf might also be creating great utopic scenarios I think I would like, only to oppose the life plans Reaso has in store for me.

In addition, it’s just a fact that we need to work and somehow make a living to get by. I can’t change that, so I need a job, and no job will always just be fun and peachy. Nothing in life is always just fun and peachy. I don’t mean that in a negative, desperate way, it’s just a fact and we have to deal with it. So why can’t I enjoy the time off I get and then go back to work? It’s because as soon as I turn to one brain part, the other feels neglected. They both seem to suffer from bad, bad short term memory loss because when you turn one down just a little bit to make more room for the other for a while, it completely forgets that it had been the priority for the past weeks, or even months. And they don’t even get completely switched off! I also have fun at Uni, and I work during summer break, so both are always present and yet both are constantly complaining like two jealous siblings. Maybe the true aim of life is to get them to coexist in constant peace in order to satisfy both… I don’t know.

I don’t really know what the moral of this post is either. I don’t have a great final sentence with an advice on how to solve the issue other than knowing that they’ll get along again eventually because they always figure something out in the end, even if it’s just for a while.

Maybe this post is just another sign of my weirdness, but if you can somehow relate anyway, please let me know! :)


I finally ended up writing again after a way too long break. I didn’t know whether I should put this up because it’s basically just me rambling about some weird thoughts and feelings… But then I figured why not?!